“My Nose Knows”
Subtitle: Lists, Page Two

What Random-People-I've-Never-Met Probably Smell Like:

• George W. Bush: coleslaw
• Tony Blair: grass
• Ross Perot: Baked Beans, the kind with the syrupy beef sauce that's totally gross.
• Luis Guzman: tomatoes
• Colin Powell: mothballs. and more mothballs.
• The Pope: vitamins... a whole bottle of vitamins with the top off.
• Martha Stewart: a healthy mix of vodka and superglue. Mostly vodka.
• Fidel Castro: fish. a fish market even.
• Al Gore: nothing. Al Gore has no scent, pleasant or otherwise.
• Mickey Mouse: stale cigarettes smoke.
• Ralph Nader: those bathroom-freshner plug-ins. The ones that smell like faux-flowers times ten.
• Jesus: soap. Ivory soap.
• John Ashcroft: evil.
• Prince Charles: body odor, gin and baby powder. The latter possibly to cover up the former.
• Jim Carey: pubic sweat.

Things That Smell Nice:

• Amazing Grace perfume
• sauteed onions
• Smores
• my Havdalah spice box
• Earl Grey tea
• anything vanilla
• burnt matches
• BBQ chicken or beef
• Edinburgh, Scotland
• cooking garlic
• fresh earl grey tea
• cloves

Things That I'd Rather Not Smell (besides the obvious body-function-related):

• burning computer hardware
• hospitals
• My cat, Kiki.
• Wet sheep
• tuna fish
• burning plastic
• Long Beach's beach
• burning skin, hair or nails
• musty in-door swimming pools
• rich people
• airline food